Snapping Out of "Existential Crisis" Mode

Every few years, I have brief bouts of mid-life crises, existential dread, or whatever other synonym you want to throw in there. I think I'm a nihilist not because I want to be, but because I question reality all the time. It's a double-edged sword because it could both fuel my courage or anxiety. The best way to describe it is that I could be one of these two guys at any point in time, a Schrödinger's nihilist.

A few months ago, I had a brief moment of the pessimistic nihilist, so I went down a semi-deep rabbit hole on the internet, and books, consuming media that addressed these feelings. Here is what I learned.

Does "Wanting to Search For Meaning" Contradict My Nihilism?

One of the first realizations I came to was that "I'm not broken" or "weird" for feeling like I'm not where I want to be, and that my life's meaninglessness and the degree of judgement I place on said meaninglessness depends on the scope of things I'm factoring in.

Viktor Frankl in Man's Search for Meaning points out that:

“not every conflict is necessarily neurotic; some amount of conflict is normal and healthy.”

and

“suffering may well be a human achievement, especially if the suffering grows out of existential frustration… the search for a meaning to existence, or even doubt of it, is not a disease” 

Just having the impulse to search for meaning is a perfectly human impulse.

Shift Away from the Guardrails

Though we as people are constantly trying to find the equivalent of "one ring to rule them all" in different domains of knowledge physics, religion, political systems, and even the meaning of life, it doesn't mean that that is the only way everything will make sense.

Frankl mentions that meaning itself is not a static and unchangeable matter, and that it is “something very real and concrete, just as life’s tasks are also very real and concrete.” Each moment, whether it is as long as a day's work, or something ephemeral as the wind whistling through blades of grass, is unique in and of itself, and so meaning comes from answering the “question” each of those specific moments pose for you.

No situation repeats itself, and each situation calls for a different response. Sometimes the situation in which a man finds himself may require him to shape his own fate by action. At other times it is more advantageous for him to make use of an opportunity for contemplation and to realize assets in this way. Sometimes man may be required simply to accept fate, to bear his cross. Every situation is distinguished by its uniqueness, and there is always only one right answer to the problem posed by the situation at hand.

Is There A Cure?

The feeling of emptiness or meaninglessness, called the existential vacuum, may have a possible way to be treated. Attention can be externalized. This could range from helping people, doing creative work, deepening your existing relationships, or as mention above, enjoying the little moments of the love and beauty that exists in the world .

In Frankl's accounts, he noticed that people did not only try to direct their attention away from the pain of the Holocaust, but that they made it a priority to seek purpose in the relationships and work that they do. They essentially found more meaning in their raison d'etre because of their survivorship. To reach our potential, we must find time to focus on other people, put energy where it counts as a goalpost away from where we might be finding pain.

“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering” - Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Should We Actively Chase Meaning?

Most people believe the correct verb to "do" is to "find" your purpose somewhere "out there". However, Joe Hudson–a CEO coach who appeared on an Ali Abdaal's podcast–proposes that your need to search for purpose makes the assumption that you don't already have it. It's the scarcity mindset as opposed to having a feeling of abundance that contributes to the "crisis" mode. Not all emotions are rational, and this means that because you're assuming you need something you don't have, your desperation can actually lead you more astray and give you greater sense of being lost. So, noticing what naturally gets you up in the morning in everyday moments will help you being to realize that you're already living parts of your purpose because you it's something you can get to do more of.

Is Suffering Necessary?

If we can put some meaning into the existential pain that plagues us, it allows it to lose its "sting", no matter how small it is.

If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life… Without suffering and death human life cannot be complete.

-- from Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl

Wrapping It Up

Instead of trying to completely avoid your mid-life crisis, reframe it as a signal towards tiny engagements. Find small but concrete ways to make the meaning for yourself. Contribute to the world where you can but also accept that some level of anxiety is completely human and normal. You do not need to actually chase towards meaning as if you don't have it, but assume that there a bits of those meanings already existing in your every day moments.